Oh, The (Body) Hair Drama

This post was inspired by Kate Harding's guest blog about facial hair. Check it out here.

As you all know, I have PCOS. While it's major affect on the body is no ovulation, it does cause other symptoms, which include difficulty losing weight, and excess body hair.

Ah, the body hair. As I look at myself right now, it's time for a Veet session.

Prior to my diagnosis, I've always tended to be hairy. Now PCOS just exacerbates it. I've got hair everywhere: Arms, legs, upper lip, chin, and other places I don't care to mention.

Somedays it bothers me, somedays it doesn't. My chin hairs fortunately grow weirdly horizontal instead of down. Which makes them less noticeable. Mr. Salt doesn't mind it too much...except when he calls my chin hairs "billy goat" hairs. Thanks, dear. He also says this in Navajo, though I can't recall the spelling for it.

So now it's time for a Veet session. I use Veet because Nair burns me, and I don't like shaving. I slather two formulas on: The new shower version for my legs, and the pump version that I use for everything else. All this usually entails me sitting in the restroom for about twenty minutes, since Mr. Salt has a sensitive nose and doesn't like the smell. I jump in the shower afterwords.

I usually do this about once or twice a month. I probably should do it every weekend, but like I said, it doesn't bother me that much. But if I do have a major event to go to, I do Veet then. And I do Veet my underarms more often just for hygenie sakes.

Just another day in the life of a womn with PCOS.

-DineBoo

P.S. Great quote of the day from Mr. Salt:

Mr. Salt: I'm just an Indian trying to live in the White Man's World.

The Shattered Heart Effect...and the Nosy Aunt

I debated with myself if I should write this. But, I always feel better after I write, and I haven't posted in a while, so here goes.

I call it the "Shattered Heart" effect.

Mr. Salt and I visited my aunt's house for Christmas. The house was full, I was expecting my side (i.e. my mother's side) of the family to be around. But, my aunt's husband's family was there too. No big deal, just means I can't 'visit' with the family as I would like. Too many people around.

So after the obligatory hugs and kisses between my aunts (younger, whom I'm referring to now, and older, who I'll get to in a minute), grandma, and cousin, I get drawn to a side room I realized now after all this that I was trying to get away. Maybe I sensed something.

Younger Aunt: I have something to tell you.
DineBoo: What?
Y. Aunt: I'm expecting twins.

Instantly, I felt my heart literately break. The Shattered Heart Effect struck again. The Shattered Heart Effect when something causes me extreme deress.

Nobody noticed the fake smile I pasted on my face as my immediate family surrounded my younger aunt with excited tones. Nobody noticed how quiet I got, not really cotributing to the good cheer. Nobody noticed when I excused myself(twice) from the grand announcement to the rest of the family to go to the restroom and cry my heart out. Nobody noticed my red eyes, or how I clung to Mr. Salt.

I felt so alone.

I felt crushed, but so guilty. My aunt has a one year son already, and now she's having twins? I can't get just one! But why am I not happy for her? Why do look at her with envy?

This, as you can see, caused me extreme duress. Why, you ask?

PCOS.

I've talked about it here. My PCOS prevents me from having a regular cycle, and how my chances of having kids drop if I don't take the require meds.

Also, Mr. Salt and I have been wanting zhindians for a while now. This year, we're really getting serious about it. For me to have even a chance, I have to be serious about taking all my meds, even though they make me nauseous, and have some interesting side effects. Looking at my pill box, I have to take five pills a day right now, dropping to four once I induce a cycle. There's insiline resistance drugs, prenatal drugs, and progesterone to reboot the system, as I call it.

All this for a Zhindian. Which will be worth it. But now, I hurt.

And what bothers me is that no one, besides Mr. Salt, saw how hurt I was. Granted, I'm good at hiding it, but when Mr. Salt decides that leaving the celebration is good for my well being, no pings to radar went off. I guess everyone was wrapped up with the celebration to notice.

And, just when I thought my older (and the nosiest) aunt was going to ask me what's wrong (she had dragged me to a quiet room to talk), all she asks was if Mr. Salt and I were having any money problems, how long my hair is getting, and my job. If I ever thought about opening up to her, it stopped just because of it. I know my eyes were red during the whole evening.

And nobody asked why.

Sigh. I'm rambling, but tha's what blogs are for. Hopefully, I'll have good news to share someday. But for now, I'll just pray.

-DineBoo

Dreaming of fish?

This is the one time in my life that I want to be told that someone in my family was dreaming of fish.

As a lot of black people know, to dream of fish is a very good sign that someone you know is pregnant. I'm unaware of any signs that the Dine'(Navajo) people use (and I have asked Mr. Salt), but I do know that SaltMama is very keen on her predictions.

Yaah! (Navajo translation: An expression of frustration) Who knew that trying to create a Zhindian would be so much work! Especially with my PCOS. I've finally delved deep into the Trying to Conceive world and it can be intimidating. From basal temperatures, to egg whites, to 'Tussen, and baby dancing of course, there's a lot of information out there to make your head spin. And I'm beat.

PCOS, how I hate thee. I used to be regular to the day. Now I'm lucky to have a period. Mr. Salt is always happy for me when I do get it, though I always feel guilty about it. Why? Because culturally, Navajo men are not supposed to know when their ladies have their periods. The women just make sure that everything associated with it (like pads) are out of sight and unseen. So I feel like I'm shattering some of his traditions when I talk about it.

I don't know why I'm making myself depressed right now. It's still to early to know if I'm carrying a Zhindian or not. I'm hopeful, but all my twinges and signs in the past have been false alarms. So I don't want to be too disappointed.

But maybe one day...soon...

-DineBoo

One little, two little, three little zhindians...

Zhindian.

That term was created by SaltMama when Mr. Salt and I were dating. "You two will have zhindians!" she said. It's a fun term. Mr. Salt and I use it a lot to talk about any future children and situations.

Yesterday, we headed to see a softball game (which was part of a tournament) of a couple we know from church. Their youngest daughter was the flowergirl in our wedding, and we've had fellowship with them for the past year. It was a great outing. We got fresh air, visited a new restaurant, and if I wasn't sick, I would have stayed longer.

Mr. Salt admitted today that seeing all the kids made him wish for kids...zhindians. I know I want to have them. I wanted my mother to see any grandkids, but she passed before she could even meet Mr. Salt. My PCOS (PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome) worries me, but if I get it under control, I should be fine. My PCOS has given me plenty of false alarms though, and even now, I dread taking another pregnancy test. I want it to be positive.

Having zhindians also creates some interesting discussions when it comes to Navajo clans. As I stated in my very first post, Mr. Salt has four clans, his main two being the Salt and Mexican People clans. When we have kids, the kids loses two clans, compared to another Navajo who have four. SaltMama has it figured it out to where any kids of ours will belong to a black person (me) and born for the Mexican People (Mr. Salt).

We hope this would do if our kids have to go to school on the Rez. One of the very first greetings to one another on the Rez is "What are your clans?" It helps establish family, friendship, and dating possibilies (You're not supposed to date within your clan. It's considered incest).

So for now, we talk about future zhindians we will have. And how 'john' they will be. What is 'john'. Rez terminology that have to dedicate a future post to. But for now, think upper class ghetto.

DineBoo