Time to get on my soapbox again.
This quote comes from Halima's blog, at Black Women's IR Circle. Excuse me while I roll my eyes at some of this:
The emphasis on white men (not exclusively though) is because wm are the largest group of men available to black women. There is no getting around this fact and it would be another form of sabotaging bw relationship ambitions, to direct them towards men who are less likely to be physically available and who might also be culturally unavailable to them. I much rather focus on the 'surplus' group while also pointing out that IR means more than just black and white.A couple of comments I have to make about this.
There is also a subtext to this argument. When people say 'if you cant get with bm etc, why not try Asian and Hispanic, I usually detect its simply the 'anything but a wm' argument. Its all about avoiding wm at all costs and sustianing the histporical fued with wm/the white race. Since I am really bothered little about continuing this fueding, I choose to approach the IR idea differently.
Let me also say that I do not detect from bw any strong aversion towards other non-white men if they are open to IR at all. There is indeed no historical basis for bw to have deep 'issues' with HM, AM, NAM and so there is no need for me to 'work' on bw opening themselves to these others.
1. White men are the surplus? Depending on where you are in America, they might be the minority. In Texas, especially where I am, Hispanics are becoming the majority. In certain parts of New Mexico and Arizona, there are plenty of Native Americans of various tribes around. Hell, in chocolate cities, there are more black people around than white.
2. Culturally, I'm sure white men are not one homogenized group. They have their own cultures that black women have to deal with as well. Just as I must understand where Mr. Salt comes from on certain topics, as did Diva when she married her husband as well.
3. The "anyone but a white man" argument may have its points with some black women who think dating out is betraying the black race, but it is also a cop out to those who feel that the whole black women IR community is pushing white men above all other men. As I said before, we should be glad when any black women breaks the cycle and marries (or does what she wants to do with) her true love regardless of their race. We, who did not marry a white man, are not sustaining the feud with race just because of who we married. We married who we loved. And granted, while Mr. Salt and I do get the whole "Living in a white man's world" due to our understanding of what has happened to both our races (and Mr. Salt even more so), it only serves as a survival tool at best. I did not marry Mr. Salt just because I wouldn't consider white men.
4. Even though there shouldn't be any issues between black women and other minorities, it doesn't mean that they do not exist. Even certain members of Mr. Salt's clans had issues with me that they probably would not have had if I where white. I have not personally dealt with them, but I know I have Mr. Salt support at the expense of his family. Not that I would want it to come to that, of course. I also have SaltMama and Sister, so that's all it matters to me.
So in conclusion, just because I and other ladies didn't marry white, doesn't mean we had it easier, or that it's more acceptable. We still get stared at, we still get comments, and we all have issues we both have to deal with. We do not want what happened between black women and black men to happen between black women and white men just because they are presented as the only acceptable or most sought after people.
Love is for everyone, regardless of race.
-DineBoo
